Robin Dreeke on building rapport - A new pill of wisdom from the SE podcast

The crew always provide really useful information on human behaviour. This time I highlight a podcast about how to build rapport, where they interview Robin Dreeke, FBI agent specialised on these powerful topics. If you have 77 free minutes, listen to the entire podcast. If you don't, at least browse through the bullet points below, they are a very personal summary of the interview (some topics repeat themselves given their importance).
  • Building rapport: You can't fake it. It needs to be real (minute 20).
  • Stay within reality, send a congruent message with your words and non-verbals (minute 20).
  • How to defeat anxiety and stress when talking in public? Think that you are doing it to help a friend (minute 21).
  • Pre-text yourself: Offer something that your audience (or your interlocutor) would enjoy and like. Imagine they are your friends and you would like to share something with them. Be ready to trigger a good feeling in them (minutes 22 and 23).
  • Focus on making your interlocutor feel very well while you are pursuing your goals (minute 23).
  • Key aspects to consider when talking to someone: Don't try to impress, suspend your ego, downplay yourself, use the technique of sympathy to elicit help and reciprocal altruism (minute 25).
  • Make a quick smile, a quick glance and then glance away. Don't stare at them! (minute 26).
  • Keep your tempo slow, don't over speak, don't over sell, be confident but remember, you are seeking help (minute 27).
  • Appeal to their sense of humanity, seek help, seek their opinions, let them know that you value their opinions, make them believe that they are experts on their topic, open up to them (minute 28).
  • Get people's shields down by talking about dates and birthdays. Prepare your pocket of things about yourself and share it with them. Once you are done, they will open up to you (minute 32).
  • Send out an artificial time constraint, verbally or even better, non verbally (e.g. talk to them over the shoulder - talking at an angle, your feet and hips should be pointed like your are going to leave, keep the chin a little bit down and mention that you only have a few minutes - minute 33).
  • Start threading on the context they give you as a response. Be patient.
  • Accept people for who they are and validate their choices. Don't be judgmental. Don't pass judgement. 
  • How to do it when you don't agree? Be fascinated about them. Try to understand every aspect of their answer. Answer with "what an amazing thing you did!".
  • Constantly practice all the time, it is a muscle you need to train (minute 39). Talk to a stranger every day (get a little adrenalin rash).
  • People love talking about themselves. People don't care about you (hard but real fact).
  • Never argue with someone you try to social engineer. Ask them the question to them and let them answer.
  • Let the people filling the thoughts, the gaps in a conversation for you. Silence with little non-verbal confirmations are great.
  • Every generation has their own nuances.
  • If you don't have kids, reflect about friends who have them or even your own experiences when you were a kid.
  • If your interlocutor has a bad day, validate them and offer your help. People will start opening up (minute 49).
  • If you appear threatening, make a little joke and refer to that appearance in a critical way. Upper your chin a little bit.
  • People love the fact that you are trying to accommodate them.
  • As soon as you say "hey, I am not a bugger", people will believe. People take you at your face value.
  • Most people will go out a long way not to lie. Lying is a very uncomfortable thing to do. People generally don't want to lie.
  • Reciprocal altruism: Never try to impress but seek help. People are willing to help.
Thanks again to the Social Engineer crew!

Sides of human beings

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